Unbreakable
by happy29
Summary: It has been a year since Jimmy Akers invaded Fraser and Kowalski's lives and new relationship. With a mix up in the system and a new assignment for Ray, their lives are thrown into turmoil once again. A sequel to 'Hesitate'
1. Vacation Revelations

Massive cumulous clouds dotted the sapphire sky. A gentle breeze took a touch of the heat out of the summer air. Ray Kowalski scanned the horizon one last time while staring over the top of his coffee cup, relaxing on the porch of the cabin owned by his partner. Well, he guessed after all this time, it was his cabin as well. At least that's what Fraser kept telling him. _Fraser_… the man he had fallen in love with while trying not to drown on a ghost ship.

Ray thought back to his first meeting with Fraser. He laughed at the memory of how nervous he was before he met Fraser for the first time. He had been so worried about how weird it was going to be, working with a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted police, in Chicago of all places. But then Benton Fraser, RCMP, walked in through the double swinging doors of the 2-7, duffle slung over his shoulder, wolf on his heels, dressed in his bright red serge and Ray knew his life had just taken a dramatic turn. It would forever be different. He had partners before, but none of them were anything like Fraser. Not one of them risked his life on a regular basis, not one of them did he fall in love with, not one of them trusted him like Fraser did.

Some days Ray still found it hard to believe that not only had he fallen in love with Fraser, but Fraser... _Ben_ had fallen in love with him. Unconditionally. He smiled, still amazed at his good luck, and returned to watching the scenery, thinking of his lover.

It took a lot of convincing, but Ray finally managed to talk Fraser into a small vacation up north at the cabin, _their cabin_. The Ice Queen was less than thrilled to approve the time off. But, after the last year and everything that had happened with Jimmy Akers and what he had put both Ray and Fraser through, she wasn't about to risk denying Fraser the time off. Kowalski had her number and she knew it. He just had to make sure that his relationship with Fraser didn't interfere with the Mountie's duties to Canada or the _Ice Queen_.

"Penny for your thoughts," came the husky voice from behind him.

"You got a penny, Frase?" Ray could feel the warmth coming off the Mountie.

"Of course. I picked one up off the floor in the diner yesterday." Fraser's lips turned up into a crooked smile. He breathed in the aroma of the fresh outdoors mixed with Ray's sugar laced coffee. It was good to be away from the smoke and smog of the city. The dirty trash smell that occupied every alley they chased criminals down was thousands of miles away and Fraser couldn't be happier.

"Oh yeah?" Ray's own husky voice broke through, bringing Fraser back to the present. "Why would you want to pick one up? Sounds kind of _gross_ to me, picking up spare change off the floor of a diner. Any good reason behind that us _Americans_ should know about?" Ray's voice held a teasing tone.

"Well you see... some incredibly good looking blond guy…"

Ray cut his partner off mid-sentence. "Incredibly good looking, huh? Do I know him?" He placed his coffee mug on the porch and turned in his Adirondack chair to face Ben, his own smirk lingering on his lips, curiosity filling his voice, eagerness brightening his eyes.

Fraser shook his head and forced an upside down grin to appear. "I don't believe so, no… however, this good looking blond told me once, if you pick up a penny… it will bring you good luck."

"So, you think you're going to get lucky, huh?" Ray picked up his mug casually and turned back in his chair to face the horizon before him, fighting hard to suppress the growing smile behind his coffee mug. "Seems kind of corny to me." He took a long swallow of coffee and could sense Fraser moving in closer behind him.

"Oh I don't think, Ray… _I know_." Fraser draped his arms over his partner's shoulders and whispered smugly into his ear. "And as for corny, well, let's just say the blond guy was right because the first time I picked up a penny… well, I think you know what happened that night. I would hardly call _that _experience corny." Placing a sensual kiss behind Ray's right ear, then his left, Fraser tightened his grip around his lover's chest, his hands working their way towards his partner's taut stomach, stopping at his navel to explore the slight dip under the soft shirt. His strong fingers danced around the button to Ray's jeans and hesitated for a brief moment before popping the button loose.

Ray's breathing quickened, his grip tightening on his coffee mug. He turned his face to steal a kiss when the strong hands quickly released him and the intense heat behind him was suddenly gone. Fraser dropped himself into the matching Adirondack chair beside Ray, his blue eyes darkened with arousal.

"But if you think it's all _corny_… we can sit here and watch the clouds form instead. They are quite impressive today. Don't you think?" Fraser set his gaze straight ahead, daring not to meet his partner's intense stare boring into the side of his head. He heard the shuffling of arms and legs as Kowalski attempted to dislodge himself from his own chair and within seconds, his view of the horizon was obscured with that of a tall, slender blond guy with experimental hair.

"Ray, you're blocking my view of the clouds and the landscape." Fraser stretched his arms out and attempted to push Ray's lean frame to the side.

"Screw the clouds and screw the landscape." Ray slid a slim leg over Fraser's thighs and settled onto his lap. He placed both arms over his partner's broad shoulders and leaned in for a kiss. Fraser's lips were on his before he closed half the distance between them. "How much time we got before we're supposed to fly out?" he asked between fierce kisses.

Fraser didn't bother looking at his watch. "As much time as we need. We don't fly out until tomorrow. I took the liberty of changing our flight. I had a hunch…"

"I like your hunches. Good thing you listened to that blond guy." Ray twisted his fingers around the back of Fraser's neck and pulled him closer. His timbre dropping slightly, he asked his partner, "You want to get lucky out here…" Ray dropped a kiss to Fraser's lips and caught the escaping pink tongue between his own lips as it was sneaking out. "Or you want to take this indoors?" Sliding down Fraser's lap, he could feel his partner's arousal meeting his own.

"I think we just started out here. I am very much in favor of the view before me." Running his hands down his partner's chest, Fraser could feel the outline of toned muscles hiding under the cotton fabric of Ray's t-shirt. Ray may be slender, but he could easily hold his own with someone that out-massed him.

"Freak…"

The playful twinkle in Ray's eyes was all it took for Fraser to lose himself. In one swift motion, he picked up his partner, Ray's legs falling off his lap, his bare feet hitting the freshly water-proofed porch, their lips pressed firmly together. Kissing Ray ravenously, Fraser pushed him backwards towards the open cabin door. Ray took charge and spun their positions, grinding their hips together. Too much momentum, sent them into the doorjamb, jarring Fraser's left shoulder. Ben grunted in pain and suppressed a curse, momentarily letting go of Ray to rub away the discomfort.

"Oh God, Ben, I'm sorry." Ray stepped forward and gently rubbed the abused shoulder.

"I'm okay," Fraser tried to reassure his lover. "Just caught me by surprise."

Ray pulled his partner close and pulled on the hem of Ben's shirt, lifting it over his head. He leaned forward and placed butterfly kisses across Fraser's left collarbone and out towards his shoulder and down to the faint scar standing out against his tan skin. Ben held his breath for a brief moment when Ray's lips brushed across the scar. Memories came flooding to the surface and Ben closed his eyes tightly against the onslaught of images. A new home, a car wreck, losing his memory, and _Jimmy Akers._

"Breathe, Ben…" Ray whispered into his ear. "I've got you."

When he opened his eyes again, he was safe. Safe in the arms of the person he loved most.

Nimble fingers moved to the zipper of Ray's jeans as slender fingers danced in Ben's hair and across his face. Ray pressed him against the doorjamb and covered Ben's solid body with his own, trying to become one with his partner. He moved him to the side, their bodies still joined at the hips and backed them into the cabin, kicking the door shut. In the quiet of the cabin, the two men explored each other's bodies and gave into their longing for each other.

The gentle dip in the mattress woke Fraser from his sex-induced slumber. Ray was pressed firmly up against his back, one arm wrapped around his left side, fingers rubbing circular patterns on his chest. He could feel the steady heartbeat paired with the simultaneous breaths of his lover against his back and at the base of his neck. He leaned into the embrace and sighed. There was no better to wake up, than wrapped in the arms of Ray Kowalski.

"Ben," came the quiet voice from behind. Ray found his hand and laced their fingers together. Fraser automatically pulled their joined hands towards his own beating heart. "You awake?" Ray's voice held a slight tremor. He was thankful for the ceiling fan he talked Fraser into letting him install above their bed earlier in the week. It displaced the warm air in the room and showered the couple with coolness. The quiet hum of the fan helped take away some of the edginess he had been experiencing.

"Not quite," he murmured, still half asleep. "I could use some persuading." He began to move their joined hands lower under the sheets, but Ray resisted temptation and moved their hands back over Fraser's heart.

"Ray?" Fraser questioned as he turned in the embrace and faced his partner. He hooked a leg over Ray's and wound their feet together. "What's wrong?"

Ray couldn't ever tell where his leg ended and Fraser's began when they were entwined in such a way. He felt completely connected to Fraser in moments like this. Closing his eyes and letting out a long sigh, Ray finally worked up the courage to speak. "I have a bit of a confession to make." When he opened his eyes, confused blue eyes were staring back at him. "This whole trip…"

"Was an excellent idea, Ray. We needed a break from the city." Fraser ran his fingers over Ray's dry lips and kissed some moisture into them.

Ray pulled back and licked his lips, savoring Fraser's taste. He shook his head and closed his eyes again, burying his head into his pillow. "I'm such a heel. I should have told you before we came up here, but I didn't want it to spoil the trip."

Fraser pulled back and sat up on his elbow as Ray sat up against the headboard and ran fingers through his flattened hair.

"Didn't want '_what_' to spoil the trip? The trip was your idea, Ray." Ben ran his hand down Ray's thigh, encouraging him to continue.

"Welsh approached me a few weeks ago." Ray hesitated as Fraser settled against the headboard next to him. He took Ben's hands into his own and studied their interlocked palms.

"And?" Fraser questioned, confusion written on his face.

"And he needs me to go undercover." Ray couldn't meet Fraser's eyes.

The silence built between them as Ben pondered this revelation. "But you're already undercover. How does that work?"

"Part of Vecchio's job was to do small undercover assignments." He squeezed Fraser's hand to assure him. "Listen, I don't like this idea any more than you do."

It was Fraser's turn not to meet the blue eyes staring at him. His thoughts racing back to a phone call from his friend, the real Ray Vecchio. A simple postcard was the last he had heard from the man.

"Ben," Ray's soft fingers turned his face towards his own. "This is nothing like Vecchio's undercover gig. Nothing to be worried about. I will be home in a few weeks."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want it to ruin our trip." Ray confessed.

Fraser huffed beside him, disappointment clouding his eyes. "I'm not a child, Ray. You should have told me."

"No you're not. But I knew you wouldn't relax if you knew I was leaving. Just a few weeks, Ben. You won't even miss me." Ray ran his hand down Fraser's cheek and smoothed his thumb over his lips.

Ben pulled away and moved to the side of the bed. "How can you even say that?" he threw over his shoulder. "Of course I'll miss you. And I'll worry about you…" anger seeped into his words.

The mattress shifted as Ray slid behind Fraser dropping his chin on his right shoulder. He lowered his voice "I'm just saying… it won't be long. I know you'll miss me."

"And if it goes longer?" Fraser's voice trembled. "Then what?"

"I'll quit. Just like that."

"Don't be absurd, Ray. Your sense of justice wouldn't allow it."

"Why ask the question then if you already know the answer?" Ray's own voice held steady. Truth was he was nervous leaving Fraser behind. They had been inseparable since their first meeting. This assignment was going to be difficult on them both. Just the thought of the separation was driving Ray mad.

"Where will you be? Or am I not allowed to know any details again?" Fraser didn't mean for the sarcasm to come through his voice but he couldn't contain it either.

"I don't know yet. Welsh said something about Indiana."

Fraser shook his head and scrubbed a palm over his face. It was happening again, except this time he was being given a heads up. It was still no comfort knowing that he was being left alone, partnerless… _again_. Although that fear took a backseat to his anxiety over Ray's safety.

"When we get back, he's going to sit us _both_ down and tell us about the whole assignment. You will know every last detail." Ray placed a comforting kiss to the back of Fraser's neck. "I promise, Ben… this isn't like Vecchio's assignment."

"Can you promise me you're coming back?" Fraser leaned into the comfort of his partner's arms stretched around him. He intertwined his fingers with Ray's and pulled them to his mouth. Without looking, he couldn't tell which fingers were his own.

"I will be back home in a few weeks, I promise."

"When are you supposed to leave?"

Fraser felt the damp forehead settle against the back of his neck and the long breath exhaled chilled his skin. He body shivered against the conflicting temperatures surrounding him.

"This coming weekend," came the quiet reply.

"Ray…"

"I know… I know, not a lot of notice. I'm sorry. Welsh said it had to be this way."

"Then I think we should leave today and get you as prepared as we can."

"The sooner I take this assignment Fraser, the quicker I can get back home." Ray turned Fraser's head and met his lips for a kiss. "Back home… _together_."


	2. Home Old and New Worries

Author's note: Thank you to butterflyghost for the beta work and a special thankyou to the wonderful Tatau for your contribution. I hope you all are enjoying the story. Feedback is welcome…

"Seriously, Fraser, that was a devious move and you know it." Ray stepped around Dief and fished for the apartment key in his jean's pocket, never taking his eyes off his partner. "Sneaky, cunning, deceitful move if I ever saw one."

Fraser had his own key in the lock, knob turned and was halfway through the door before Ray could begin another tirade or find his key. The apartment was illuminated with the flip of a switch and Ray followed Fraser and Diefenbaker into their home, still agitated.

"What are you so upset about?" Fraser threw over his shoulder. "You said when we got back home Lieutenant Welsh would give us all the details of your assignment." He dropped his bag on the couch and went to the kitchen to fill a bowl of food for Diefenbaker. "We're home. Are we not? And I wanted to know the details of the assignment today. So we can plan, make sure you're prepared."

"Yes, we're home… _now." _Ray threw his own bags on the floor and followed Fraser into the kitchen. _"_But we weren't two hours ago when we walked out of the airport and hailed a cab and you told the cabbie to take us to the station instead of home. That's like some form of kidnapping, Fraser." Ray was talking with hands and Fraser rolled his eyes at his over-animated gestures.

"You're being ridiculous, Ray. We merely took a detour through the station en-route to our home. And I didn't _kidnap_ you. That would be illegal." He leaned against the counter casually as Ray continued with his hand motions.

"It's _Sunday_… Welsh is never in on Sunday. You know that, you _should_ know that… you know everything else. And yes you did kidnap us… _me and Dief_. We both wanted to come home. Look at him, he's scarfing down _dog food,_ Frase. He's hungry. It's been a long day with the delay at the airport and that smelly guy sitting beside me." Ray shuddered and wrinkled his nose. "God, I feel like I need to disinfect myself. I wanted a shower and coffee and maybe another shower for good measure, _not_ the police station." Ray pointed his finger in Fraser's direction. "And did I mention I'm exhausted?" His animations ceased and his shoulders slumped as he leaned against the refridgerator.

"You're being overly dramatic. Diefenbaker is hungry because I wouldn't let him eat your doughnut when he refused his kibble earlier in the day. That's his own fault. And with your revelation earlier today, I honestly forgot it was Sunday. As for the man sitting beside you, I can't say that I detected any foul odor." Fraser dropped a kiss to Ray's lips as he left the kitchen. "And if you're so tired, why are you wasting your energy arguing with me?"

"You're overly sensitive nose couldn't smell him? He really stunk." He followed his partner's retreating form at a slower pace. The fight in him was almost gone. " And you knew I in no way wanted to go to the station today. You're a sneaky Mountie and you know it. Admit it… why can't you admit? You commando… commoned…. commandeered our cab, Ben."

"I told you my intentions, there is nothing to admit." Fraser disappeared into the bedroom to begin unpacking their bags. "Will you put some water down for Dief, please? You may want to drink a glass as well, you're a bit edgy. It may calm you down."

"You know I hate tap water. Always have, that stuff will kill you one day. Bottled water only for me." Ray scanned the kitchen." Which reminds me, we need some." He filled Dief's water bowl and followed Fraser into the bedroom. He began stripping off his socks and tossing them in a pile on the floor. "You hijacked the cab Fraser. You knew I wouldn't agree to going to the station, so while I was stashing our bags in the truck and you were _supposedly_ settling Dief… you bribed the cabbie and hijacked us." Ray pointed a finger in his partner's direction. He shimmied out of his t-shirt and added it to the pile of clothes.

"You make it sound like I'm a malicious thug." Fraser was hurt by Ray's accusations. "What is wrong with wanting to know as much as we can?"

Hanging his head, Ray finally realized where his partner was coming from. He closed the short distance between himself and Fraser and took hold of his arm. With the other hand, he took Fraser's jeans away from him and placed them on the bed. "Ben, I'm not disappearing in the middle of the night like Vecchio did. Okay? I promise you will know where I am at all times. I'm going to be allowed to keep in touch with you. I will contact you every hour if necessary to let you know I'm safe."

Fraser sank defeated onto the bed and stared up at Ray. "Then why am I so nervous?"

"It's a logical reaction. You and I both know there are always risks involved with undercover work." He shrugged his shoulders. "Not that it's much comfort, but I'm a little nervous too. But, Ben, Welsh has assured me that this is all really a simple case."

"Then why not pick someone else?" Blue eyes held questions Ray had few answers to.

"I apparently fit the description of the kind of person they are looking for, that's all I know." He did a little shuffle in front of his partner, a smile appearing on his face. "You know… young, edgy, good looking." Ray placed both hands on Fraser's cheeks and leaned forward capturing his open mouth in a kiss. Pulling back mere inches, he stared into worried slate blue eyes. "I'm in, I'm out… I'm back home. Deal?"

Fraser sighed and reveled in Ray's warm touch on his face, his soft lips on his own. Snaking a hand around Ray's neck he pulled him closer and stole a kiss of his own. "Deal."

Leaning forward into Ben's kiss, Ray pushed him onto his back and let momentum take him along for the ride. He straddled Fraser's hips, his bare toes hanging over the edge of their king sized bed. Ray's smooth hands found their way under Fraser's t-shirt, stopping to explore and tweak hardened nipples.

"God…" Fraser moaned at the sensation and lifted his hips to meet Ray's growing erection.

"Let me be your guide tonight, Ben."

Blond spikes disappeared under the hem of his shirt. Warm breath and moist lips met his sensitive skin. Ray was busy kissing the dip in his navel, the hollow under his ribcage, the indentions between each rib, and the hardened peaks of each of his nipples. Each new location had earned Ray an approving moan. The soft cotton fabric was slowly working its way up to Fraser's neck courtesy of Ray's hands. They read each other's minds and Ben lifted his arms and tipped his head forward so Ray could remove the shirt. He tossed it over his shoulder to the pile of his clothing on the floor without removing his eyes from Ben's body. Strong hands worked their way up his back, massaging tight muscles along the way. Ray let his body relax under the hands of his lover.

Dropping his head forward, he caught Fraser's mouth again. He let his lips drift from Ben's to the solid muscles of Ben's shoulders. Ben's skin was satin smooth, and Ray rested his mouth there for a moment, tasting his sweetness, pressing butterfly kisses along the way. He drifted down to the scar, just below Ben's left shoulder and kissed it tenderly. Once again, Fraser held his breath and Ray had to remind him to breathe. The nightmare of Jimmy Akers long behind them.

Ray's tongue painted intricate patterns into Fraser's skin, calling him away from the old memory. Strong hand's wrapped around Ray's slender shoulders as Fraser pushed their bodies closer together. This need to keep him close… Ray understood that. Wasn't far different from what he felt. But this was about reassuring Fraser and not about reveling in his own anxieties. Smoothly, Ray hooked one leg around Fraser's ankle bringing – oh, yeah – Ray gasped as he brought their groins into direct contact.

"…stupid …shorts…" Ray muttered, struggling to get his underwear off. Fraser's low chuckle caught him by surprise. "Allow me," Ben's fingers tugged at the elastic. The Mountie always had a knack for getting out of clothes. When Fraser's last piece of clothing had also joined the mounting pile on the floor, Ray trapped Ben again underneath his own body. "Oh, yeah… that's more like it…"

Kissing Ben, he pressed down and lost himself in the delicious feeling of sliding skin. Fraser was murmuring into his neck, hot breath fogging up his skin. Ray intertwined their fingers; the strong grip of Ben's hands never failed to ground him.

"Ben…" Ray pressed a kiss to the corner of Fraser's mouth but Fraser wasn't satisfied and captured his lips fully. A slippery hand snaked its way between their bodies and wrapped around their erections. With a moan, Ray broke the kiss. "Sneaky Mountie," he rasped. But Fraser's lips were already busy sucking kisses along his throat, too busy to comment.

It struck Ray then that their time shared together in the same bed was coming to a close – just temporarily, sure, but… he wanted… "God," he murmured, half a moan and half a prayer. Forcefully, he pushed the thought away. Not now- "Oh, just like that… oh God…" Fraser's grip was just perfect, all the way from the root to the tip and Ray lost all track of his thoughts.

Ben's hand, slippery with lube, was bringing things to a close faster than Ray's brain could catch up with. "Need—" Ray gasped and flung his other leg over Fraser's other one as well, straddling him. Fraser seemed to understand him perfectly. Purposefully, his hands settled on Ray's ass while his teeth gently closed around a nipple. "_Nngh_—" Ray was beautiful. The eyes closed and the lips slightly parted, with a small crease between his brows as his whole body moved the way Fraser's hands and mouth directed him to.

"Ray…" Ben pressed a kiss to Ray's heated skin, right above his heart. Ray didn't need to speak Canadian to hear the ocean of feeling behind that single syllable. "I know," he murmured. But he didn't want to think about the coming weekend or the assignment. This was just him and Ben. "Do it," Ray caught Fraser's eyes and spread his legs wider to give Fraser's wandering fingers better access.

Ray reached out, just resting his palm along Ben's cheek. The metal of his bracelet glinted softly against Fraser's jaw. Without missing a beat, Fraser's lips closed around the small beads. Ray's breath caught and the next moment, Fraser's finger pushed its way inside.

Ben's tongue was dedicating itself to the exact shape and texture of the metal beads while his fingers opened Ray up in the same dedicated, probing manner. Ray couldn't tear his eyes away; his bracelet felt as if it might burn through his skin.

Slowly, the fingers withdrew and Fraser slowly opened his eyes, pressing a last kiss to the bracelet, and Ray felt bereft. He couldn't decide if it was because he wanted Fraser's fingers back or if his bracelet was already missing his lips. "Please." Ray figured Fraser would know which one it was. Ben bit his lips and that crooked tooth appeared for a flash as he positioned himself and then Fraser pushed up. Ray relaxed, muscles loosening around the intrusion and he sank back.

He settled in Fraser's lap and before he could move, Fraser reached up and pulled himself in a sitting position so that he could embrace Ray. "Ray, Ray, Ray…" Fraser chanted in between kisses and Ray tried to reply, saying "I know" and "Yes" and "I got you," all the while rocking in tune with Ben.

Ray held onto Ben, moving his hips faster, trying to make him lose the words altogether. He felt Fraser's whole body tense, lips parted to gasp for air, and he slammed his hips down harder. It was a white-hot current that was running through Ray, this need to give this to Fraser, as if his body could make him believe that nothing could separate them. One of Fraser's hands closed around Ray's erection and the other pulled him close for a kiss. The contrast made Ray's head spin, the frantic movement of Ben's hand and the gentleness of the kiss seemed so at odds with each other. Fraser's lips swallowed the moan of Ray's orgasm and Ray was still twitching when Fraser's body pulled taut and he had to break the kiss. Ray loved to watch it when the climax overwhelmed Ben. Bliss was a good look on him.

Ben smiled softly at him and then he tightened his arms around Ray and pulled him along as he let himself fall back onto the pillows. They were sticky and sweaty and Ray didn't care one bit. He moved around a little to find a comfortable position and when he was finished he could have sworn that Fraser was nuzzling his hair.

"Freak," Ray murmured affectionately. Fraser smiled into his hair before he pressed a kiss into it. Even though Fraser kept his arms around Ray and seemed unwilling to let him out of his reach, his embrace was relaxed and affectionate rather than worried. Ray buried deeper into his partner's embrace as sleep claimed him.

Ray awoke to an empty bed and glanced at his alarm clock on the nightstand for the time. It was three a.m. and Fraser's side of the bed was cool. He slipped on a pair of boxers and made his way through the dimly lit apartment to the kitchen. He found Ben and Diefenbaker together in the kitchen having a discussion of sorts. Dief was whining and Ray could only guess what the wolf's problem was, a lack of doughnuts in his diet no doubt.

He entered the small kitchen and wrapped his arms around his partner. Through a stifled yawn he asked, "What are you doing up? And what's up with talking to the wolf at three a.m.?"

"I'm sorry, did we wake you?" Fraser pressed a kiss to Ray's forehead.

"No, I rolled over and your side of the bed was empty. You okay?"

"I'm fine, just needed a drink. I'm quite thirsty."

Ray nuzzled Fraser's neck. "Mmmm… sex with me will do that to you, leave you completely hydrogenated…" Ray shook his head and yawned again. "I meant dehydrogenated…" Fraser stifled a snicker as Ray continued searching for the right word through yawns. "Oxygenated… _hydrated_…Fraser, it's too fucking early, help a guy out already."

Fraser leaned forward and caught Ray's open mouthed yawn in a kiss. "Would that be _dehydrated_, Ray? And sex with you is always exhilarating." He placed another kiss to Ray's dry lips. "You go back to bed. I will be in shortly. Dief drained his water bowl already and I just need to refill it."

"That's because he's trying to absorb the toxicity of the dog food you forced him to eat."

"His kibble is nowhere near as toxic as your doughnuts. It's what he's supposed to be eating all the time, but somebody insists on spoiling him." Fraser drained his water glass and stole a kiss from his sleepy partner.

"Spoil… shmoil… they haven't killed me or him yet." Ray refilled Dief's bowl with water and grinned triumphantly at his partner.

"Come on Sleeping Beauty, let's go back to bed." Fraser wound an arm around Ray's and ushered him back to their bedroom.

Fraser pinched the bridge of his nose and willed the newly forming headache to go away. He filled a glass of water and swallowed its content. Studies had shown in recent history that drinking ample amounts of water helped to alleviate pain associated with headaches. This headache was different from ones he had experienced in the past and he hoped the water would make it disappear. He didn't want to rely on pain medication if he didn't have to. No need to travel down that road again, even if it was simply extra-strength Tylenol. He stretched his neck and shoulders in an attempt to shake some of the built up tension, but it didn't seem to have any effect.

He busied himself with his routine morning tasks in an attempt to ignore the mounting headache. Smiling fondly at the chili pepper lights over the breakfast bar, he plugged them in. As they glowed in the faint morning sunshine, he remembered hanging them up when Ray moved in and telling him how hideous and tacky they were. Yet somehow, he was always the first person to plug them in every morning. He sighed with content. Life with Ray was good, chili pepper lights and all. He prepared the coffee pot for Ray and the tea kettle for himself and dropped a multi-grain bagel in the toaster.

Bending over to fill Diefenbaker's food bowl, he felt the room tilt. Grabbing onto the edge of the counter for support, he clenched his eyes shut and prayed the kitchen would cease spinning. Maybe taking some Tylenol wasn't that bad of an idea. Opening the cupboard, he located the bottle and shook two out into his shaking hand. 'It was just two simple pills, just this once.'

'When did that happen?' he asked himself as he stared at the two white capsules in his trembling hand. He was fine when he woke up twenty minutes ago. Whether it was from the headache or the thought of taking a pain reliever or the idea of Ray leaving him in a matter of days, Fraser couldn't tell. He refilled his glass with water and swallowed the two pills. They felt like two bullets sliding down his throat and he fought against the gag reflex. He reminded himself they were over the counter pain relievers and nothing like the drugs he had relied on so heavily after Vecchio had shot him.

The memory of that time, the sense of complete helplessness, overwhelmed him. His breathing became ragged, his pulse raced and he rushed to the bathroom, losing the contents of his stomach. Sweating and shaking, he rinsed his mouth with water. This was an anxiety he hadn't experienced in some time and he suddenly wasn't sure he was okay with Ray leaving.

"You okay?" came a tired but concerned voice from behind. Steady hands settled on his hips and he felt some of the anxiety ease away with his lover's tender touch.

He gave Ray a small nod but didn't trust his voice enough to answer.

"Ben… you just threw up."

"I'm okay," he lied through clenched teeth. Ray had a job to do and he couldn't do that job safely if he was worried about Fraser. "I may have caught a stomach bug." He straightened himself, thankful the bathroom wasn't spinning, and followed Ray towards the kitchen.

Ben settled himself on a barstool and accepted a cup of tea from Ray. "What time should we leave to talk to Lieutenant Welsh?"

"You sure you're up for that?" Ray questioned. "You look like you need to go lie back down." Ray filled his own mug with coffee and chocolate and stirred the concoction together before taking a long swallow. Nothing woke him up like a good cup of coffee, unless it was a sexy Mountie.

"I will be fine. Just a slight headache."

Kowalski wasn't so sure Ben was giving him the whole story, but didn't want to press the matter any further. "We can leave after I get dressed." He eyed his partner and snickered. "You might want to consider changing as well, unless you want Welsh to see you in sweatpants."

Looking down at his legs, Fraser's eyes grew wide. "Oh dear!" he exclaimed. "That would have been quite the embarrassment."

"You sure you're okay? Maybe you should take something for the headache before it gets worse, especially if you're throwing up."

"No." Fraser didn't want a repeat of a few minutes ago. He would just have to use a mental exercise to clear away the ache. "I will take another glass of water though."

"Ben… it's Tylenol. It's okay for you to take a couple. There's no point in suffering through a headache." Remembering the conversation with Inspector Thatcher about Fraser's past drug abuse, Ray realized maybe that was why Ben was refusing the Tylenol. He didn't want to be tempted with _any_ form of narcotic.

"I said 'no', Ray." He stood abruptly from the bar stool and made his way to the bedroom to change, glaring at his partner for even making the suggestion. "I will be fine."

Ray bent down and rubbed Dief behind the ears. The wolf was sitting by his water bowl whining. "Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed, Dief. Can't you convince him it won't hurt to take a couple pills so I don't have to listen to him be crabby all day?" The wolf whined again and Ray sympathized and filled his water bowl. He rubbed behind his ears once more and stood to go find his partner.

Fraser was sitting on the bed studying a picture in his hands. It was taken by Francesca six months earlier. They had gone out with a small group from work celebrating Elaine's return to the precinct as an officer. Frannie had caught Ray and Fraser in a back booth and snapped the photo before either could object. She had caught them in an intimate kiss and gave each of them a copy. Fraser used his as a bookmark in whatever book he was reading at the moment while Ray had his framed and placed on his nightstand.

"Hey… you okay?" Ray asked gently as he made his way over to the bed.

"You keep asking me that."

"You keep making me wonder. You're throwing up, you got a headache, you're _cranky_…"

"I told you, I think I caught a stomach bug."

"_Or…_ you're making yourself sick over me leaving." Weary blue eyes locked onto Ray's. "You're not a very good liar, Ben, and I'm a damn good detective. What gives?"

Fraser closed his eyes and shook his head, breathing in deeply. He exhaled slowly as Ray sat down next to him on the bed. "I woke up with a headache."

"I told you to take some pills." Ray rubbed the base of Fraser's neck. He knew when Ben got headaches, the tension in his neck was always the worst.

Ignoring his partner's comment, Fraser continued. "I bent over to fill Dief's food bowl and got dizzy. So, I relented and took a couple of Tylenol and I felt like I was choking, Ray. I could hardly swallow them. My hands were trembling and I don't know if was from the idea of taking any form of drug again or if it's because you are leaving and it's making me anxious and edgy. But then they just came right back up. I can usually suffer through a headache with no pills, but this one is different. And…" Fraser paused and looked into his partner's eyes for understanding and comfort. "I'm not sure I'm strong enough to handle you being gone."

"Ben…"

"I know you keep telling me that it's nothing like Ray's assignment but I can't shake that feeling of when I came home and he was just gone. No explanation, no reassurances… just gone. And I still don't know if he's okay. It scares the hell out of me that you won't be coming back either."

Ray slid closer and wrapped his arm around Ben's shoulders. "Here's the deal. We go in, we listen to what Welsh has to tell us about this assignment and if any part of it makes you uncomfortable, I tell them to get someone else. Plain and simple."

"You can do that?" Ben questioned. He ran his fingers through his hair, not noticing that he was making it stand on end. Ray smiled – Fraser was adorable when he was messy.

"Absolutely," he promised. "They need me, I don't need them."

"I think that's a fair arrangement." Fraser squeezed Ray's thigh. "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to snap at you."

With a quick kiss Ray forgave his partner. "Water under the bridge. We're all allowed to be crabby in the morning every once in a while. Hell, even Dief is cranky this morning because he had no water. Now, let's get dressed because I highly doubt Welsh wants to meet with us in boxers and sweatpants."

The bullpen of the 2-7 was unusually quiet for a Monday morning. Most of the detectives were either working diligently at their desks or out in the field. Welsh greeted Fraser and Ray at his office door and welcomed them in, offering each a fresh cup of his personal stash of Hawaiian coffee.

"Don't tell Francesca I have this in here. She thinks that she is going to get me to allow her to open up a café here at the station. If I have my personal stash of good coffee, I don't need her café and she will have to get back to actually doing her job, instead of trying to be the local Barista."

"Our lips are sealed, Lieu." Kowalski twisted his fingers in front of his lips and threw the imaginary key over his shoulder.

"I'm assuming, Constable, that Ray here has told you that we need him for an undercover operation and that he won't take it unless I tell you all of the details." Welsh looked from one man sitting before him to the other for confirmation.

"Yes, he told me." Fraser confirmed with a tight smile.

"Good. As I explained to Ray when I first approached him, it's a fairly routine assignment. He should only be gone two, three weeks tops."

"What exactly is the assignment, Sir?" Fraser questioned, trying to keep the quiver out of his voice. 'This was all part of Ray's job,' he reminded himself.

"A copper wire company, just on the other side of the Indiana border, is having a serious theft problem. Local police have come up with nothing and the owners are losing money. Their scrap calculations are not matching up to what is actually being taken to the scrapper. Someone is stealing wire and in large quantities, but they can't figure out how. They have cameras installed all over the premises yet nothing is ever caught out of the ordinary. They want someone to go in and see if it's an inside job and how it's being accomplished. Ray here matches the criteria of guy they think will fit in with their present employees."

"Young, energetic, edgy..." Ray supplied with a wink. "How much you want to bet someone's hiding it in their lunch box?"

"It would have to be a lunch box the size of a trash hopper. Are you aware how much copper is going for at the moment? And not even bare, pure copper, but scrap copper?"

"That would be approximately one dollar and ninety eight cents a pound, Sir, rounded off to the nearest hundredth, of course."

Welsh stared at Fraser in disbelief and Ray rolled his eyes. "Why does it not surprise me, Constable, that you would already know the answer to that question?"

Ray patted his partner on the shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze. "This guy is a wealth of knowledge. Probably read it in the paper at the airport yesterday, but still…"

"Sir, I do have one question," Fraser ignored his partner's teasing. "Will I be partnered with another detective while Ray is undercover?"

"I will leave that entirely up to you. If you want to make yourself available and help Huey and Dewey, you have my blessing. Lord knows their arrest rates will go up if you chose to liaise with them. If you want to stay in Canada for the next few weeks and bestow all of your services to the Inspector, well, may the force be with you. The decision is yours." Welsh spoke with his left hand as his right poured himself another cup of coffee.

"That's not exactly what I meant, Sir." Fraser turned to the side and stared at Ray. "Will you be bringing in someone to replace Ray?"

Blue eyes darted between Fraser and Welsh. Ray hadn't considered the idea that Welsh may have to have a cover for him.

"No, Constable. There is no need to bring in another detective. As far as people will know, Ray Vecchio is taking a vacation."

"And when will Ray be leaving?" The slight tremor in his voice didn't go unnoticed by either Ray or Lieutenant Welsh.

"Thursday morning. We want him to get settled in on Thursday and then he will start on that Friday. This place has weird shifts and they believe the problem is occurring on the swing shift, and it works this coming weekend. Most of the bosses will be there on Friday, but not Saturday and Sunday. So, we need to get him in and settled. Only the owner of the company and the shift supervisor will know Ray is undercover."

Both Fraser and Ray nodded in understanding. They only had a few more days together.

"If there is nothing else, meet me here Thursday morning about seven and we will get Ray on his way. As you can see, I have a mountain of paperwork to sort through and at this rate, I will never see the outside of these walls." Welsh stood and shook each man's hand. "Constable, trust me when I tell you that he will be fine. Ray is a superb officer, one of the best. Just look at the job he has done covering for Vecchio already. He'll be home before you know it."

"Have you received any news about Ray Vecchio, Sir?" Fraser asked abruptly.

Welsh grew quiet and studied the man before him before shaking his head 'No'.

"Then you will excuse me if I don't place all of my trust in your words alone." Fraser turned to the open door and walked out past Ray.

Kowalski watched his retreating form then turned back to Welsh and attempted to apologize. "I'm sorry, Lieu, he got up on the wrong side of the bed today. I think he left his politeness in Canada."

Welsh waved a hand in the air. "Not a problem. I understand where he is coming from. I lost a good officer and he lost a good partner and friend when Vecchio went under. It's understandable he would be resistant to you leaving as well."

"It really is a simple case, right, Lieu? I'm not being fed to the wolves or anything. I _am_ coming home?"

"Yes, I just wish he would believe us. We'll keep our eyes on him for you."

Ray shook his lieutenant's hand and left in search of Fraser. He found him outside leaning against the GTO, arms folded and ankles crossed. A scowl embedded in his features.

"Hey… you okay?"

"How can he afford me any reassurances regarding your safety when he can't tell me anything about Ray Vecchio's?"

"Ben, look at me. Vecchio went undercover as a _mob boss_. I get a simple copper wire theft. There's a huge difference in the level of security and need to know information. I'm positive that if anything were to happen to Vecchio, we would know. So until we do, we agree that he is doing well and is still safe." Ray leaned into his partner and unfolded his arms. "Come on, let's head home."

"No, I can't. I have to go to the Consulate and file some forms for my time off. Constable Turnbull called the station and left a message with Francesca to tell me if she saw us. Apparently Inspector Thatcher lost my paperwork while we were away. You go ahead and go, though and I will meet you at home later. I shouldn't be long. You can stop and pick up our mail from Mrs. Henderson. We could probably do with a run to the grocery store as well."

Ray snuck a knee in between Fraser's crossed legs and pressed himself up against his partner's solid body. "You take care of the Ice Queen, I'll take care of the groceries and mail, and then how about we take care of each other when we both settle in for the night?"

"How about _you_ take care of Inspector Thatcher and_ I_ get the groceries and mail?" The sideways smile showed off the crooked tooth that Ray was so fond of. Ray melted and caught Fraser's unsuspecting lips in a slow kiss.

"Don't tempt me," he replied breathlessly.


	3. What to Do?

The mail tucked tightly beneath his chin, Ray juggled the two bags of groceries under his left arm while digging deep in his right pocket for his apartment key. One of these days he was going to remember to take it out of his pocket before he even got out of the car. The sweaty gallon of milk slipped from his fingers and he pinned it to the door with his knee.

"Fuck… I need more arms." He could hear Diefenbaker whining behind the locked door as he let the milk slide gradually to the floor with assistance from his shin. "Hold on Dief, I'm trying to get in."

Ray realized he must be quite the sight. Pressed up against a locked door, juggling too many articles and talking to a deaf wolf. He heard the wolf bark in response and he let out another curse as one of the bags began to slip from his grasp. A few pieces of mail drifted to the floor when he shifted the bags in his arms.

"You look like you could use a little help, Mr. Kowalski." A small voice from behind startled Ray and the rest of the mail fluttered to the floor. The petite landlady that Fraser was so fond of bent over to pick up the scattered mail. "I apologize. I didn't mean to startle you. The mailman just dropped off a few more pieces of mail and I thought I would bring it on up. I told him you were home and could start leaving it in your box again."

Ray finally succeeded in locating the key in his pocket and worked it into the lock as Mrs. Henderson picked up the gallon of milk and took one of the bags of groceries from his grasp. He stared at her bewildered.

"How do you do that? I'm twice your size and I couldn't handle all that without dropping anything."

"I'm a mother, dear," she replied with a bright smile. "I'm used to juggling a lot of things at once." No wonder all the tenants loved her.

Ray smiled fondly at her and pushed the door open wide to allow her entrance into his home. Diefenbaker came around the door, nudging Ray in the knee with his snout and whined again.

"Is the counter ok for these?" She asked as she made her way towards the kitchen, greeting Diefenbaker along the way.

"Yeah that's fine. Thanks for the help and for keeping our mail for us while we were gone. It's nice to get away but it's always good to come back home."

"Mosquitos that bad up there, huh?" She laughed and swatted at his arm playfully. "Oh it was my pleasure. I was pleased when Constable Fraser moved in here. The other tenants have expressed their appreciation as well. It seems everyone sleeps better at night knowing that there are police officers that live close by and aren't too bothered to help out when the occasional emergency arises. I can't thank you enough for your help when we had that severe storm a month ago with threats of tornados."

Ray blushed, "Oh, it was nothing…"

"It _wasn't_ nothing. It would have taken me too long by myself to alert all the elderly residents and get them to the tornado shelter. But you and Constable Fraser were right there to help me." She patted his arm in appreciation. "Anything you boys ever need, you just let me know."

Ray thanked her again for her assistance and accepted the mail she was still holding in her hand. "Thanks, I will let Ben know."

"Oh…" she turned towards him when she got to the doorway. "I almost forgot. We had our annual inspections while you two were gone on vacation. You boys passed with flying colors, not that that news surprised me."

Ray blushed again and rubbed a hand over his chin. "Yeah, Ben's a neat freak."

"Well, let me get out of your hair. You've got groceries to unpack and mail to sort. Give the Constable my regards."

Ray thanked Mrs. Henderson again for the help and closed the door behind her. Dief whined again and pushed his nose into Ray's thigh.

"What is with you today? I didn't buy any doughnuts and you're not getting my ice cream bars either." The wolf let out a low growl and went and sat by his water bowl. "Don't even start with the attitude, Dief. Do you remember what happened when you swiped the box of ice cream bars off the counter the last time?" Ray gave the wolf a stern look. "You spent three days at the vet's office and _I_ had to scrub carpets. We are not taking that route again." Dief barked again to get Ray's attention as he put the remainder of groceries away. "I said 'no'. I'm with Fraser on the 'no more ice cream' rule. You think you're doing something nice for the deaf wolf by giving him a tiny bite of your ice cream sandwich and you repay me by swiping the entire box and doing a number on the carpets. You pay and you pay and you pay."

Dief barked again and pulled on Ray's pant leg.

"Hey… _knock it off_." He tried pushing Dief's head away from his leg and cursed when a tooth ripped a small hole in his jeans. "We use manners in this house, Diefenbaker."

Dief momentarily let go and cocked his head at Ray as if to say, "_Really?"_ He grabbed ahold of Ray's jeans again and started tugging, a low growl emitting from his throat.

"God, what is wrong with you? Only one person is allowed to be crabby today and Fraser already got dibs on that." Ray was losing his balance and held onto the side of the counter for support as Diefenbaker continued to pull on his pant leg.

The wolf finally let go of Ray's jeans and pushed his water bowl towards the blond.

"Well, why didn't you just say so? God, there's no reason to try and rip my leg off." He filled the bowl with water and set it on the floor. Dief lapped it up greedily. Ray rubbed him behind the ears and gathered the mail up into his hands, retreating to the living room. He tossed the junk mail into the trash by the desk and placed the phone, electric and water bills in a pile to pay later. He thumbed through the remainder of the mail, a new phone directory, a letter from his mom, bank statements, and two crisp white envelopes from the State of Illinois parole board. One was addressed to himself, the other Fraser. Ray dropped the remaining pieces of mail onto the desktop and sat down heavily on the arm of the couch.

"No… _no, no, no_. God, tell me this isn't what I think it is." Panic set in as Ray fumbled through the desk drawer in search of Fraser's letter opener. He finally gave up and used his finger to rip open the envelope addressed to himself. He prayed it was a letter informing him of the denial of parole for Jimmy Akers. There was no way the state was going to let that monster out of prison after everything he had done to Fraser and himself, at least Ray prayed they wouldn't.

He thought back to the trial and the intense amounts of stress it had put on Fraser, not only having to relive the nightmare, but having to do it so publicly. With the help of an excellent counselor, they'd both managed to move on. Ray knew if he had shown up for Jimmy's sentencing, he probably would have killed the man for what he did to Fraser. And Fraser had not been ready to face him either. The hurt was still too deep and raw. Jimmy Akers got what he deserved, that's all either man cared about.

Ray took a deep breath and pulled the folded letter out of the envelope. He read the contents and immediately wanted to punch something. Jimmy Akers was out of prison. Free to come and go as he pleased, his only restriction was checking in with a parole officer and keeping a reasonable amount of distance between himself and Fraser.

"Un-fucking believable!" he yelled at the letter in his hand. There had to be some mistake. Surely Welsh knew about this. 'Why the hell didn't he say anything?' Maybe he didn't know and only the victims of the crime were informed. Maybe he was drowning in paperwork – who knew? Ray stared at the unopened letter in his other hand. The one addressed to his partner. Fraser couldn't know, not now, not until he came home from his assignment and they could face it together.

Ray jumped and nearly fell off the arm of the couch when the phone rang and was anxious when he heard Fraser's voice on the opposite end.

On the other side of the phone, Fraser braced himself. "Ray," he said, dreading the tirade which was sure to follow, "I am going to be a few hours yet."

"What?" Ray asked in disbelief. "Why? I thought you just had to fill out those vacation forms again."

"Well, I had to do that yes, but Inspector Thatcher is taking her own vacation, day after tomorrow for a few weeks and wants to take the rest of today to inform me of a few things that need to be taken care of while she is away along with some paperwork that will need to be completed as well." Fraser explained into the phone, knowing Ray was going to be upset.

"Fraser, I hate that woman. She always dumps her crap in your lap."

"Whether you like her or not, she is still my superior officer and I have to do what she says."

"Or what?" Ray asked defiantly.

"I think you know the answer to that, Ray."

"Right," Ray said defeated. "Back to Canada you go. Still, she's a bitch and I don't like her."

"You are entitled to your opinion."

"Damn right I am." Ray hung his head. It wasn't fair to take his anger out on his partner. He needed to hit the gym and find the toughest punching bag this side of the Chicago skyline. Dief came in from the kitchen and turned circles in front of Ray. "Look, I'm sorry. You know she pushes my buttons," Ray apologized. "I swear she does it on purpose." Dief whimpered again and turned another circle. "Frase, Dief's crossing his legs here. I'm going to have to go. I'll uh, I'll see you when you get home."

Ray ended the call and dropped his cell phone on the couch. He stared again at the unopened letter in his hand. He made the hasty decision to hide the letter for the time being. Taking both letters he went over to the bookshelf built into the wall.

'No, bad idea,' he told himself. Fraser was always thumbing through the books on the shelf, even his car mechanics books.

"_You never know, Ray. One day we might be in a bind and I may need to know how to fix something on your car. Always best to be prepared." _Ray smiled fondly at the memory of Fraser spending an entire evening on the couch studying his mechanical books on cars.

Ray shook his head at the thought of a greasy Fraser under the hood of his car. 'Now how sexy would that be?' He shuddered and pushed the racy thoughts to the back of his head, managing to keep them wrangled there until a more appropriate time.

Bringing himself back to the task at hand, he needed a place Fraser would never look. "Think Kowalski… think." Going to his bedroom closet, he pulled out his gym bag. He needed it to go the gym anyway. Stuffing the letters under his boxing gloves and spare towel, he zipped it closed and threw it over his shoulder. He needed to hit something… _now_.

The ringing of his cell phone stopped him in his tracks as he walked by the couch. He fished the phone from behind the cushions and checked the caller ID. He wasn't really in the mood to speak with anyone at the moment and groaned when he saw Stella's name appear on the display. She rarely called him unless it had to do with one of his cases, so he figured it had to be important.

"Hey Stella, I'm in a bit of a hurry and about to walk out the door. Make it quick." He didn't intend to come across short with his ex-wife. Their relationship had improved considerably since he and Fraser had gotten together and she could now tolerate being in the same room with him without worrying about Ray throwing himself at her.

"I'm sorry, Ray. I was just calling to check…" she paused and the silence grew before she continued. "To check how you were doing."

"I'm fine. Ben and I got back yesterday from a much needed vacation." He shifted his gym bag to his other shoulder and followed Diefenbaker towards the door. "I'm on my way out the door at the moment."

"Ray, I… uh heard that Jimmy was out of jail." She continued when she heard Ray curse through the connection. "I tried calling you when I found out."

Ray dropped his bag to the floor. "You knew?"

"I had just found out myself a few days ago," she explained quickly.

"Well, I never got a phone call, Stella," Ray was instantly irritated. "I got a letter in the mail instead."

"Do you know how hard it is to locate you in the frozen north?" She defended herself. "Look, I hate him just as much as you do. But there isn't anything we can do about it."

"How could they let him out? Stella, how could they release him after just a year?"

"I don't know. It was some sort of mix up, but it's done and can't be changed." Stella twirled her hair around her fingers nervously. "Ray, how is Ben taking the news?"

Ray froze. How was he going to convince Stella not to mention this to Fraser until he returned from his assignment? "I haven't told him yet. Stella, you gotta do me a huge favor and not mention anything to him."

"Ray, he has a right to know."

"I know, I know… just not yet. As long as Jimmy is staying out of trouble, I don't want Ben to know until I can be here and we can face it together. Please, I'm begging you. Just let me wait until I get home to tell him. Does anyone else know?" Ray was suddenly worried about the number of people that would already know about Jimmy's release accidently saying something to Fraser.

"Not that I'm aware of. At least no one that Ben will come into contact with on a regular basis. I did check with his parole officer and he is adhering to the limits of his parole."

"As long as he leaves us alone, I don't care." Ray sighed with relief.

"Jimmy's been bad news for a long time, Ray. I'm not proud of it, but I was glad when he went back to jail. I hated what he put you and Ben through. He got what he deserved. I don't understand myself why he was released." Stella had her own history with Jimmy Akers, of which Ray only knew the parts she told him. "How are you guys doing?"

"We are good. Ben's a little worked up about me leaving for a few weeks, though." He shifted the phone to his other ear. "You'll keep an eye on him for me, won't you?"

"I don't think he will think too highly of that idea. You know how self-sufficient he is."

"I'm not asking you to have him over for dinner or anything. Just keep a distant eye on him. I would really appreciate it, Stell."

"That I can try to do for you. You be careful, Ray," she added sincerely.

"I will. Piece of cake. Be back in a few weeks. Hopefully, in the meantime, Jimmy doesn't get any bright ideas."

"If he knows what's good for him, he will stay curled up in his own little hole. Take care and I will see you when you get back." She ended the call and Ray was more determined to hit a punching bag. That was all he needed was someone else knowing about Jimmy being out. But he trusted Stella and knew she would keep the news to herself.

Diefenbaker turned a few more circles in front of Ray. "Alright, I'm sorry. I had to take that call. Listen, Dief… you can't mention anything to Ben either. I know you two have…" he twirled his hands in the air looking for the right expression. "… conversations and what not… but he just can't know yet. You understand, right?" Dief yipped in agreement and Ray led him outside to do his business. He tossed his bag in the car while he waited for the wolf. Dief came back from the bushes and bolted up the stairs to the apartment.

"Hey, you could wait for me you know." Ray caught his breath as he met Diefenbaker at the door to the apartment. He barely had the door opened before Dief bolted for his water bowl. "No wonder you have to go out all the time. You keep drinking water like that, you're going to float away."

Ray bent over to scratch the wolf behind the ears and Dief snapped at him, biting him across his knuckles.

Startled, Ray stumbled several steps back and stared in shock at the wolf. "_What the fuck, Dief?"_ Dief's bite barely broke the skin but the area was quickly starting to bruise. It was more of a pinch than an actual bite, yet it still scared Ray. Dief whined in response and dropped his head. He took tentative steps towards Ray as the blond fought the urge to back further out of the kitchen. He had never been scared of Diefenbaker before. Dief whined and dropped to the floor in front of Ray and began licking his pant leg. Shaking, Ray summoned up the courage to let Dief sniff his trembling hand. The wolf looked at Ray's face and began licking the broken skin.

"You don't bite me again and I don't tell Ben. But one more outburst and I spill like a waterfall. Agreed?" The wolf whined and Ray brushed an unsure hand down his back. His fur was soft under his fingertips and Ray resisted the urge to nuzzle Dief's neck like he did on occasion. He wasn't sure what his temperament was and he certainly didn't want to have to cover up a bite mark to the face. Something was off with the wolf today and he was certainly no expert. Maybe Ben would have a better understanding after observing him when he got home. Ray wasn't about to tell Fraser his wolf bit him, not yet anyway.

He dug through a drawer in the bathroom and found some gauze to wrap his hand. He could just tell Fraser he bruised it at the gym. And that wouldn't be a total lie. He always came home with bruises to his hands when he went sparring. There would just be a wolf bite underlying those bruises this time. Ray cracked his neck stretched his shoulders. He had some aggression of his own to work out.

When he finally arrived home, it was two hours later than Fraser anticipating. He rolled his left shoulder forward and backward trying to work it loose. It had been bothering him since the long flight home and the drastic change in temperatures. His mind drifted to the unpleasant memory of the car accident when he received the broken shoulder and those thoughts drifted further to include Jimmy Akers. He shuddered and shook his head, dislodging the bad memories. The faint smell in the hall reminded Fraser of Jimmy, but he couldn't place what it was about the smell that brought Jimmy to mind.

Fraser was tired and ready to spend a quiet evening with Ray. Inspector Thatcher had insisted on reviewing the whole next month's agenda and the visiting Foreign Dignitaries before she left on her vacation. Fraser didn't see what the point really was. He oversaw most of what she went over with him on a regular basis anyway. Re rolled his shoulder again to work it loose. 'Maybe Ray could massage it later,' he thought with a smile. Ray always worked his magic on Fraser's aching muscles and Fraser was always thankful his partner had such skillful hands.

He knew he had been short with Ray earlier in the day and then with having to stay and do some work, he thought Chinese would make a decent peace offering. The aroma from the food he held in his arms was making his stomach grumble and he realized he never eaten his bagel from earlier in the morning. Constable Turnbull had made a delicious vegetable stew for lunch, but that had been hours ago. He was still fighting a lingering headache but it wasn't nearly as strong as it had been earlier in the day.

He jiggled his key in the lock and froze. A new scent mixed with that of the Chinese and he looked around the deserted hallway. It was vaguely familiar but he couldn't place where he knew it from. It was enough to unnerve him and it sent shivers up his spine. Fraser pulled his key from the lock and inspected it. He had never been one to keep his door locked. Not until Jimmy Akers invaded his life.

Shaking the bad memories from his head again, Fraser turned the doorknob and was about to step into his home when a gentle voice echoed from behind him.

"Constable Fraser," Mrs. Henderson's quiet voice broke the silence in the hallway. "I gave Mr. Kowalski your mail earlier today."

"Please, Mrs. Henderson, it's Ben and Ray." He gave her a kind smile. "What can I do for you?"

"I wanted to invite you fellows to a barbeque my daughter and son-in-law are having this weekend, if you were going to be around." She gave him a small smile before continuing. "You two have done so much for me this past year and I wanted to say thank you."

"That's very kind of you. Ray is going to be out of town for a while, but I may be able to stop by."

"And bring Diefenbaker, my son-in-law will love him." She patted his arm. "Looks like you've got dinner there, so I won't keep you."

Fraser thanked her and stepped into the apartment. He shifted the bag of food in his arms as he turned to close the door and tripped over Ray's haphazardly placed gym bag. His left foot caught in the handle of the bag, and his forward momentum sent him crashing to the floor hard. Ben let out a sharp cry as his shoulder connected with surface beneath him. The bag of Chinese food fell from his grasp and tumbled across the hardwood floor, egg drop soup spilling from the containers as the tops popped off, chow Mein seeping out of the sides of the broken Chinese boxes. Diefenbaker swiped an eggroll that landed in front of him and he scurried under the kitchen table to scarf it down before anyone could stop him.

Emerging from the bedroom, hair damp from a recent shower, bare chested, his faded jeans sitting just below his hip bones, Ray called for his partner when he heard the commotion. "Ben…?" He saw Fraser lying on the floor, surrounded by broken containers of Chinese food. "Shit…" Jumping over the Chinese littering the floor, he hurried over to his partner's side. Fraser's feet were tangled in the straps of the bag, pain clearly written across his face. Ray helped him into a sitting position. Disentangling the bag from his feet, he shoved it to the side.

Fraser attempted to stand up and Ray held him down with a firm hand to the shoulder. "No, sit tight for a minute. You may have hit your head, Ben."

"I didn't hit my head. Just help me up," he replied, annoyed.

Ray slipped a hand under Fraser's left shoulder and began to lift.

"Oh God, stop," Fraser grunted. "Stop…. _stop, stop, stop._" He pulled his left arm tight against his side and cradled it with his right hand.

"What's wrong?" Ray stepped back and scanned his partner looking for obvious signs of injury. "Where are you hurt?"

Fraser's breathing was ragged, his eyes clenched shut. "I think I've hurt my shoulder."

"Fuck." Ray moved to the other side of his partner and carefully helped him to his feet. "Let's get you to the couch and I'll get you some ice."

Groaning and holding his shoulder, Ben settled into the corner of the couch. He accepted the ice pack from Ray and placed it on his throbbing shoulder. He hoped there was no further damage from the fall. Having a small rod in his shoulder was bad enough from the car accident a year ago. He didn't need it to be further damaged by a carelessly placed bag.

"What was your bag doing in the middle of the doorway anyway? If you're going to insist on just dropping it somewhere, drop it where nobody's going to break their neck on it." Fraser snapped at his partner, clearly irritated.

"I'm sorry. I went to the gym to work off some energy and I was beat when I got home and I got distracted by Dief having to go out and the phone ringing and I wasn't thinking." Ray cringed when Fraser shifted, the pain etched clearly on his face. "How bad is it? You need to go to the ER?" Ray settled himself on the arm of the couch furthest from his partner.

"_No…_" Fraser muttered through clenched teeth. He drew in a deep breath and found a more comfortable position. "Just… just let me sit here for a moment or two. The ice is helping to numb it." Noticing Ray's bandaged hand for the first time, he tapped his leg with his foot to get his attention. "What did you do to your hand?"

Ray studied his bandaged hand for a moment before speaking. There was no way he was telling Fraser that Dief tried to take a chunk out of him earlier. "I, uh, bruised it sparring at the gym." He gave Fraser a crooked smile. "Don't worry, Ben, the bag looks worse than me. I just needed to work off some steam. I'm just anxious to get this assignment over and done with so I can get back home."

Momentarily forgetting his own problem at hand, Fraser glared at his partner. "I still don't see why they couldn't pick somebody else."

Ray's shoulders dropped as he tried to explain again. "I already told you. I fit the description of the kind of person they want in there. You think Dewey would fit in? Or Huey? Elaine? Come on, Fraser. Don't make this harder than it already is."

"Be that as it may, I still don't have to like it," he absent-mindedly rubbed at his shoulder.

"Just like I don't have to like the Ice Queen." Ray sank down onto the couch cushion and took Fraser's feet into his lap, removing his shoes and began massaging his feet.

Fraser rolled his eyes. "One has absolutely nothing to do with the other, Ray."

"Look, three weeks and I will be back."

"Fine." Fraser set his jaw, stubbornly.

"How's the shoulder, you want anything for the pain?"

"No, thank you. I would like some water though."

"Okay, but if the pain gets to be too much and you don't want to go to the doctor because you're _stubborn_, I still have some of those Vicodin left from when I dislocated my shoulder." Ray went to the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water and a towel to clean up the food. He handed Fraser the glass of water and turned his attention to the mess on the floor. "At least it will take the edge off, better than Tylenol." Ray turned his head when Fraser huffed. "Right, who am I kidding? You won't even take a fucking Tylenol."

"Language, Ray, and you know why. I don't understand why you're angry about this. I'd have thought you'd be more supportive."

"I'm not angry, just confused. You're the one who said it was under control. Ben, there's no need to suffer through pain. And I do support you."

"Obviously, you don't understand. You've never been addicted to anything, unless you take into consideration your morning ritual of coffee and chocolate." He shifted the ice pack on his shoulder, shivering when the cold pack brushed his neck.

"Fine… maybe I _don't_ understand. Maybe it's because you never tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

"I just did!" Fraser yelled exasperated at his partner.

"I'm sorry, okay. I just hate to see you hurt. It's not like you're going to get addicted to Tylenol."

"Well, don't leave your bags lying around then." Fraser tipped the glass of water to his lips and swallowed its contents.

"Gotta be such a smart ass. If you're so organized, where's the letter opener?" Ray questioned.

"What?" The change in subject threw Fraser for a loop. "Well, if it's not where I left it, then I assume you've moved it and didn't return it to its appropriate location."

"And my hair gel? Can't find that either. Had to pick some up when I was out today. You know I wouldn't misplace that, yet it's nowhere to be found." Anger seeped into his words.

"Maybe you forgot it at the cabin or perhaps it's beside your bag on the floor." Fraser replied snippily.

"Whatever, I didn't forget it and you know it." Ray crossed his arms defiantly, and stared at the mess on the floor.

Fraser dropped his head back onto the couch and turned towards his partner. "Why are we arguing, Ray?"

Ray hung his head. "I don't know."

"I don't want to spend our last few days together fighting."

"Me either. Listen, you sit back and keep ice on your shoulder and I will clean this mess up." Ray shot a glance at Diefenbaker hiding under the table. "What Dief hasn't eaten anyway and then we can order a pizza."

"You know, I was thinking when I got home and unlocked the door. I never used to do that… lock the door. I never felt the need, not until Jimmy invaded our lives." Fraser locked eyes with his partner. "I don't want pizza, Ray. That's why I bought Chinese. Pizza right now reminds me too much of him."

"What made you think of him all of a sudden?" Panic crept into Ray's voice. Had Fraser found out somehow about Jimmy's release?

"Nothing in particular," Fraser admitted with frown. "My shoulder has been stiff and sore since the flight home and one thought led to another." He rubbed his shoulder and replaced the ice pack. "There was also weird smell out in the hallway and it made me think of him, but I can't figure out why. I was hoping I could get a famous Kowalski massage out of you later."

"Famous huh? Well, I could probably be persuaded to put my hands on you and let them work their magic." Ray let a grin appear on his face. "But first, back to the food issue. Dief ate all the eggrolls," Ray wrinkled his nose as he glanced at the spilled food on the floor. "And as clean as this place is, I _am not_ eating off the floor. I can run out and pick up another order."

Ray took Fraser's water glass from his hands and refilled it for him. "You still have that headache?"

"It's not as bad as it was earlier. Thank you for the water." Fraser reached out to his partner with his good hand, and pulled him close. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"It's okay. I'll try to keep my bag out from under your feet."

Ben snuck a hand around Ray's neck and pulled their lips together. The tension from the earlier argument fading quickly.

"Maybe we should just forget the food." Ray raised his eyebrows in a suggestive manner and the corner of his lip turned into a mischievous grin. "Maybe I should just you know, snuggle up on the couch with you." Ray settled himself, hip to hip with his partner. "I knew you picked out a big couch for a reason. Food can wait, no?"

"I've seem to have lost my appetite anyway," Fraser ran his hand down the length of his partner's arm. "Well… for _food_ anyway."

"Oh… I _like_ how you think. Food is so overrated." Ray stretched out the length of the couch to match Ben and turned on his side, facing him. "We really should take you to at least get your shoulder x-rayed. You fell pretty hard and you're not even moving it."

"It will be fine. If it's not better tomorrow morning, I will go have it looked at." Ray looked doubtful and Fraser ran a thumb across his lips before kissing them. "I promise."

The lay together in silence until Fraser's growling stomach echoed in the quiet room. The Mountie blushed.

"Okay, maybe I am still hungry."

Ray rubbed his partner's chest and sat up. "I'll go get food, you relax." Ray hopped up off the couch with a youthful energy. "Need anything before I leave? More water? Ice?"

"Both please. And you may want to consider putting on a shirt." Hearing Diefenbaker whining from under the table, Fraser rolled his eyes. "And could you take Dief out? He obviously has control issues when it comes to what he chooses to eat."

Dropping a kiss to Fraser's forehead and handing off the new ice pack and water, Ray headed out the door with Dief for another round of Chinese. Fraser chuckled when he heard Ray scolding the wolf.

"How many times have we had this discussion, Dief? People food is for people, not wolves." Dief let out a small howl. "Well, doughnuts are different. _Those_ are universal."

The closing of the door cut Fraser out of the conversation. He leaned his head against the couch, a small headache forming at the base of his skull once again. He downed the glass of water to alleviate the pain and worked himself into a sitting position. The ice had numbed the pain radiating from his shoulder into a dull ache. He carefully rolled his shoulder forward and then backward trying to loosen it up. He was going to live. No need for the emergency room. Ray had been overly concerned about his well-being since he hurt his shoulder in the car accident about a year ago. An accident that was a deliberate attempt to kill Ray, but collected Fraser instead.

He groaned as he stood from the coach and grumbled when he realized Ray never cleaned up the floor. Someone still needed to clean up the mess and a wolf's tongue was not a satisfactory remedy for the spilled food. Dief had managed to scarf up all the food and soup that had spilled from the containers, leaving only a sticky residue behind.

"He will never learn. One of these days he's just going to pop." Fraser kept his left arm tucked close to his side, using his shoulder as little as possible while he managed to clean up the containers and get the floor wiped up, but it cost him. He was sweating and breathing hard and thirsty.

'Maybe Ray was right about the ER,' he thought for a moment. I think I will just rest it and see how it is in the morning.' He filled his glass with water and picked up Ray's bag as he headed for their bedroom. He could smell the sweaty towels and decided to throw them in the laundry before Ray forgot. He pulled out the offending towel and tossed it quickly into the laundry basket followed by Ray's socks and shirt. He pushed the boxing gloves to the side looking for Ray's shorts when his fingers brushed the envelopes Ray had hid earlier. Curious, Fraser pulled them out and scanned the fronts, noticing one was addressed to himself and then he froze when he read the name of the sender.

Fraser stood, motionless, his hands beginning to tremble, his headache moving to the back of his eyes, adding even more tension than what he was already experiencing. Shaky fingers slit the envelope open and he pulled out the neatly folded white letter.

"_Dear Mr. Fraser,_

_The Illinois State Parole Board is sending you this letter to notify you of the release of Jimmy Akers. It is our intention to notify the victim if a prisoner is to be released. Jimmy Akers is scheduled for release on July 7__th__. He has been instructed to refrain from any form of contact with you. Doing so would be a violation of his parole. If you have any questions or concerns…" _

Fraser couldn't read anymore and sank onto the bed, stunned at the thought of a monster like Jimmy Akers ever being released. It had been less than a year since Jimmy had almost destroyed his life. He held a hand over his mouth. "Oh my God… _please don't let this be true_." His shocked turned to anger. Ray had deliberately hidden this from him.

He struggled with the onslaught of memories that were invading his thoughts. His memory flashed to a park bench and a familiar stranger sitting beside him, being taken to a place that was supposed to be safe, Ray's home, that stranger pretending to be his partner, the funny tasting tea. Fraser was getting nauseous. He remembered being incapacitated by the drugged tea, lying motionless on Ray's bed, Jimmy kissing his body, popping the button to his jeans. He couldn't breathe and was beginning to panic at the thought of what Jimmy would have done to him had Ray not shown up to save him.

He had worked so hard to get over what Jimmy had done. Countless sessions with a counselor, both with and without Ray. Fraser lost track of time as he sat on the bed staring blankly at the open letter he still held in his hand. He looked at the date again of Jimmy's release and swallowed the bile that was rising up and burning his throat. Jimmy had been released while he and Ray were vacationing in Canada. How long had Ray known? How long had he kept the letter hidden from him? Did he know before they left? Was that why he suggested the vacation? Fraser had too many questions for his lover. And now Ray was leaving for an undercover assignment. Leaving him to contend with this all alone. No more duet, no more partnership. A solo act once again.

Unable to withstand anymore, Fraser rushed to the bathroom, heaving until he was empty. Rinsing and wiping his mouth, he slowly made his way back to the bedroom and picked up the letter he dropped on the floor. He sank onto the bed again and drew his knees to his chest and waited. Waited for Ray's key to click in the lock, waited for the shocked expression he knew he would see once he held up the offending letter, waited for his partner to explain himself… waited for the wrongs to be made right again.


	4. Confrontations

"Frase, I'm home." Ray scanned the living room quickly, looking for his partner. "Where are you?" He noticed the clean floor and mentally scolded himself for neglecting to clean it up and leaving it to Fraser. Placing the bag of Chinese food on the kitchen counter, he dug through it until he located the eggrolls. His stomach growled when the aroma of the food entered his nose. He closed his eyes, savoring the first quick bite. "Ben?" he called again, glancing through the apartment. "Sorry it took so long," he told the silent room. "We had an uh… _issue. _Didn't we fur-face?" The wolf whined at his feet. "No," Ray shook his finger in Dief's line of sight. "You, my friend, are officially cut off from people food. Go eat your kibble."

Fraser heard Ray and Diefenbaker in the living room and remained motionless on the bed. The offending letter still gripped firmly in his sweaty fingers. He was pale and shaking, beads of sweat dotting his forehead. He felt as if he could throw up again, but knew there was nothing left.

"Ben? You know your wolf has some issues we may need to start addressing," Ray said as he made his way through the apartment. He appeared in the doorway of the bedroom, his keys dangled from one hand as he bit into the eggroll. He took one look at Fraser and was instantly concerned. "Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?" Ray noticed the sweat glistening on Fraser's forehead and his trembling body and made an instant decision. "That's it. I'm taking you to the hospital." He was halfway to Fraser and stopped his advancement when Fraser held up the letter.

"When were you going to tell me?" Fraser's voice was quiet, barely above a whisper and devoid of all emotion.

"Fuck…" Ray was at a loss for words. "Ben… I was, honest."

"When, Ray?" Anger seeped into his words. "When he showed up on _our _doorstep with a pizza?"

"No, Ben… I…" Ray paused, unsure how to explain himself. His earlier idea of hiding the letter from his partner shattered the bond of trust they shared. Ray instantly hated himself. "What were you doing in my bag anyway?" he asked defensively.

"Trying to clean up after you, like always. I have to do everything around here to keep things in order. You said you were going to clean up the floor, but no… I ended up doing it myself."

"I got distracted, Ben…"

Fraser huffed as he stood forcefully. "Distracted? There was a slimy mess all over the floor. How could you be distracted from that? You had to walk over it to leave."

"Oh, so that's how it's going to be?" Ray folded his arms and stood his ground as Fraser inched closer. "Now you have to pick up after me?"

"That's how _it is_. The bread crumbs on the counter top, the toothpaste in the sink, your socks littering the floor." Fraser poked a finger into his partner's chest. "I just never saw it before. I've been blinded by what I thought was a _partnership_." Fraser added emphasis on the last word.

"Why does everything have to be '_your way'_?" Ray pushed back. "What's wrong with '_my way'_?"

"Because '_my way'_ makes sense." Venom filled Fraser's rising voice. Ray took a step backwards. Fraser had never come at him like this before with such animosity. "'_Your way'_… 'your way' leads to smelly towels and gym bags where they shouldn't be and chow Mein all over the floor. And let's not forget about _me_ almost breaking my neck." Fraser hesitated as a thought struck him. What if Ray had done it deliberately? Left his bag where he knew he would trip over it.

"I was going to tell you, Ben." Ray tried to keep his voice calm. He needed to diffuse his angry partner soon before one of them said something they would regret and couldn't take back.

"You were going to tell me? Before or after you went undercover?" Fraser didn't try to hide the anger he was feeling. He fought with his inner demons. Maybe Ray was trying to keep him weak and helpless. Maybe that was how Ray dealt with feeling needed. Maybe it was all a game Ray was playing with him, toying with his vulnerability. He mentally scolded himself. 'No, Ray loves me, he wouldn't hurt me. Or was this his way of controlling me? No! Ray wouldn't do that… we're partners, a duet. Dear Lord, what is wrong with me? I know he loves me.'

Ray was quiet, processing Fraser's outburst and digging for an explanation within himself. "I don't know…"

"You don't know?" Fraser asked angrily. "You didn't think it was important that I knew? How do think I would have felt if you'd waited nearly a month to tell me? What if I ran into him on the street, Ray? How do you think I would have reacted?" Fraser paused and studied his partner closely. "How long have you known about this, Ray? Did you know before we went to the cabin? Is that why you suggested the trip?"

"No… I didn't know. I just…" Ray stammered, unable to form a coherent thought around Fraser's venom.

Fraser cut him off abruptly. "That man has been walking around free for weeks and you never told me." Fraser's enraged voice startled Ray. "I still wouldn't have known had I not gotten rid of your smelly towel. I want to know _why_? Why did you hide this from me?" Fraser was fuming and volatile, pushing his finger once again into Ray's chest.

Ray took a step forward, becoming irate himself.

Another notion entered Fraser's mind when Ray stepped into _his_ personal space. 'What if Jimmy and Ray are in this together? They used to be good friends. What if they were working together to hurt me? _NO_!' "Why would you keep something like this from me? I thought we were in this together, Ray. No secrets." Hurt now replaced anger and Fraser searched his partner's blue eyes for any form of explanation.

"God, Fraser… shut up and let me try and explain."

"Alright then… I'm all ears." Fraser took two steps back and sank onto the king sized bed behind him. He flinched, gingerly rubbing the forgotten ache out of his shoulder.

"I didn't want you to worry about Jimmy knowing that I wasn't going to be around to protect you." Ray began to justify his actions.

"You don't think I'm capable of protecting myself? Well I am. Thank you kindly." Sarcasm dripped from Fraser's words.

"Come on Ben, quit being so fucking literal. You know what I mean. I care about you and I know what that asshole tried to do to you." Ray reached a hand out to Fraser. "I didn't know until I got the mail today. That's when I found out he's been released. I… I don't know, I freaked, okay?" Turning on his heels, he tossed his keys onto the top of his dresser. They bounced off the rim of the bowl he was aiming for and fell behind the dresser. Ray turned his attention back to a very silent, yet angry Fraser. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets and began pacing in front of the bed. "I wasn't sure how to deal with it." Stopping, he turned to face Fraser. "I didn't know how you would deal with it. So, I chose to not tell you." Ray reached his arms out, attempting to pull Fraser close but was met with resistance. He was taken aback. Ben had never denied his touch before. "I'm sorry, it was wrong to hide it from you." Lowering his head, he quietly added, "I don't know why I didn't tell you. Maybe it's because I'm scared… scared of the memories it will bring back that we worked so hard to get rid of. Maybe if I hid it, it wouldn't be true." Ray stepped closer to his partner and touched his face carefully. "Ben, I didn't do it to hurt you. You gotta believe that, after everything we've been through together."

Some of Fraser's built up frustration and anger dissipated with Ray's gentle touch. He leaned into the smooth hand on his face as Ray's slender fingers brushed his cheekbone.

"Why are you sweating? Are you hurting? It's your shoulder isn't it?" Ray asked concerned for his partner.

"I'm fine. Forget about my shoulder." Fraser's closed his eyes, drawing in Ray's warmth.

"Take a look at yourself, you're not fine. God between you and Dief the last two days, I think I may be the only sane one. Fine my ass," he muttered, withdrawing his hand. He turned towards the dresser to locate his fallen keys.

"Ray…" Fraser's ice blue eyes popped open. The words he had been forming on his lips disappeared and the only word he could remember was Ray's last one _'ass'_. He looked at his partner's body as he felt lust well up within him. All other thoughts and feelings were blocked by a pure, overwhelming desire. Fraser suddenly laughed, "And what a fine ass it is," his demeanor flipped instantly from angry to flirtatious. He cocked his head, stealing a glance at Ray's backside.

Ray dropped his keys into the bowl on his dresser and spun around. "What is _wrong _with you? You were just about to rip my head off a few seconds ago. Were you not just yelling at me for not telling you about Jimmy?" Ray was completely confused by Fraser's change in behavior.

"I know, I… why are we fighting again?" Fraser reached his right arm out to Ray. "Come here. Because…" Fraser hesitated and stared at his partner, his eyes clouded over with desire.

"Because… _what_, Frase?" Ray eyed his lover suspiciously on their bed. He noted Fraser's bulge in his jeans that he was not working on concealing. "Ben, you're doing it again."

"Doing what?" Fraser asked innocently.

"Trying to distract me…" Ray felt his pulse quicken at Fraser's touch. "God… and it works every time."

"I don't know what you are talking about." Fraser expressed again, gripping Ray's hips firmly on either side.

"You do this when you want to avoid the elephant in the room. You distract me with sex. I know it's hard to face the fact that that asshole is out of jail and there's nothing we can do about it. But ignoring it doesn't just make him go away either. He crossed the line in a major way." Ray shivered at Fraser's intimate touch. "God stop with your hands. I'm trying to talk to you here."

"I don't want to spend the rest of my life in fear of him." Fraser dropped his head backwards, exposing his neck. "Why are we still focusing on Jimmy? I'd much rather focus on us. You go do your assignment and then you come home."

"And what if he tries something and I'm not here?" Ray asked trying to resist the urge to attach his lips to Fraser's neck.

"I can look after myself, Ray. I am a trained police officer as you well know. I know what he is capable of and I won't let my guard down."

"You're also too forgiving."

"He tried to kill you, I _won't _forgive that. _But…_ I will forgive _you_ for not telling me about the letter. Ray, I don't want to talk about Jimmy anymore. I want to…" Fraser ignored the tight pull of muscles in his shoulder and drew Ray's slender body closer.

Ray's head fell forward when soft lips and warm breath met his stomach. He drew in a ragged breath when Fraser fingered the button to his jeans. "Ben…" Ray's breathing quickened as he laced his fingers around the back of his partner's head, holding him close.

"Yes, Ray?" Fraser dropped a kiss to Ray's groin.

"Ben… come on. You're hurt."

"I'll let you do all the work." Fraser whispered as he lifted Ray's shirt and pressed kisses around his naval.

"Fuck…" He tossed the forgotten eggroll in Dief's direction.

"Please…"

"How can you go from being angry to horny in a nano-second?"

"I don't know. You have that effect on me."

"Freak."

"_Your_ freak." Fraser leaned back on the bed, pulling Ray down with him.

"Just promise me you will be careful and you will keep your eyes open for Jimmy lurking around." Ray said through broken kisses.

"I will. I'm not made of glass. I won't break. Now… come on, where were we?"

"I believe we were about to fuck." Ray slid his hands down Fraser's sides and squeezed his hip on the way to the button of his jeans. "I'm going to fuck you, Ben." He closed his eyes and began kissing Fraser's lips, leaving love bites along the way to his collarbone.

As Ray's hands touched him firmly and took control of his body, Fraser suddenly felt panicked. This had happened before, _with_… he frantically tried to get his thoughts clear but couldn't get his brain or body free. His police training went into autopilot as his fist drew back, seemingly of its own accord… and struck his attacker.

In a split second, Ray found himself lying flat on his back on the floor of their bedroom, stars dancing in his vision. He ran his fingers down his jawline checking for signs of damage. He shook his head and worked himself up on his elbows.

"_What the fuck is wrong with you_? You want to tell me what _that_ was all about?" He sat up further and worked his jaw sideways, eyeing his partner on the bed cautiously. "What the hell is going on with you and the wolf?"

Fraser stared back at him with a fearful expression on his face. His eyes were unfocused and lost.

"Ben," Ray stood up slowly but remained rooted where he hit the floor. "What's going on?" There was no reaction from his partner. "_Ben_," he raised his voice, this time Fraser's eyes shifted from side to side, and then focused.

"What happened?" Fraser appeared confused and disorientated.

"That's what I'd like to know. I'm kissing you and the next thing I know, I'm flat on my ass on the floor. If you didn't want to have sex, why the hell where you initiating things? No need to beat the hell out of me."

"I hit you?" Fraser was shocked at the accusation.

"I didn't just fall on the floor by myself."

"God, Ray. I'm sorry, I don't know…" Fraser looked around the room and then back to his partner. "It was Jimmy."

"Excuse me?"

"What you said… how you kissed me."

Ray held his hand up. "Whoa, what are you talking about? What did he do to you?"

"I don't know, I don't remember everything."

"Something I did triggered a memory of him."

"You bit my lip." Running a finger over his lips, Fraser closed his eyes against the memory of Jimmy lying on top of him, kissing him, biting at his lips in the process.

"I bite your lips all the time and you've never reacted like that before."

Fraser scrubbed his hands over his face. "It's also what you said. He said the same thing to me before… before you showed up and saved me." He reached his hand out to Ray who was immediately by his side. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. But it was like suddenly I was back on your bed, trapped beneath him… unable to move and I couldn't get free…and I finally had the strength to get him off me."

"I should have killed the bastard when I had the chance."

"You saved me, that's all that matters. I haven't thought of him for a long time and I guess knowing that he's out of prison and free to come and go as he pleases has me unsettled."

"It has to be some form of screw up. He got thirty five years, why would they let him out now?"

"I'd rather just put it behind us. If he's out legally, which it appears that he is, then there's nothing we can do about it. I can't let that scare me."

"I ever tell you how brave you are?"

Fraser shook his head. "I'm not brave."

"Yes you are. Let me call Welsh and have him assign someone else, Ben. I think I need to be home right now, with you… not hours away."

"No, don't please. Don't let this get in the way of your duty. I just… the letter was just a shock. And I reacted badly."

"Tell me about it. I beat the hell out of a punching bag at the gym." Ray rubbed at his bruised hand. Dief's underlying bite wasn't helping the ache from sparring at the gym.

Fraser took Ray's bandaged hand and kissed it lightly. "Yes, I can imagine. I don't know why I feel so… it's an aberration, Ray. I'll feel better in the morning."

"An _aberr what_?" His eyes crinkled as a smile replaced the concerned frown.

Fraser grinned at his partner's perplexed expression over his word choice. "An anomaly, a deviation to my normal behavior. I'm sorry, I'll try to not panic again."

"Can't you use words I can understand without requiring me to pull out the dictionary?"

"There's nothing wrong with using a dictionary once in a blue moon, Ray."

"Too bad I can't find it in all your organized books out there." Fraser tilted his head wondering where the book would be just as Ray pushed a hand into his chest stopping him from getting up and looking. "I'm just messing with you, Ben. It's right where you left it. You know I don't use that thing." Fraser relaxed under Ray's strong hands. Ray grew serious again. "You forgive me, for not telling you about the letter? You understand I didn't know how, right?"

"Yes, I forgive you. You forgive my reaction?"

"Absolutely." Ray ran a hand down Ben's cheek. "You sure you're okay? You're still sweaty and kinda shaky."

"I…" Fraser shook his head, not quite sure. "Yes, I'm okay. I think. I do feel a bit odd, but it's probably stress. I'll sleep it off and feel right as rain in the morning."

"If it's any consolation, I got the headache the size of Canada." Ray rubbed at his temples and pulled on his blonde spikes to relieve the pressure.

"Are you properly hydrated?"

Fraser's question was sincere and Ray couldn't help but be consumed by Fraser's concern for him when he was struggling himself. "No, don't even start with your natural cure-alls. I don't want any of your tap water."

"Milk then, perhaps some juice," Fraser offered an alternative.

"Coffee."

"Caffeine _gives_ you headaches, Ray, and it will keep you up all night."

"Fine, sex then."

Fraser was hesitant to agree. "Oh…"

"I've read," Ray slapped his partner's arm playfully when he raised his eyebrows suspiciously. "Yes, Frase, I read things too. I've read that sex is often used as a headache reliever."

"The endorphins released certainly help relieve pain. It might be good for my shoulder." Ray rubbed Fraser's shoulder with strong fingers. "Or just a famous Kowalski massage will do the trick." Fraser sighed and let Ray work his magic.

"Better than any bottle of Tylenol, huh? Promise you're not going to knock me on my ass again?" Ray asked hesitantly.

"Yes, God I'm so sorry. Help me forget him tonight, Ray." Fraser pulled Ray close and lightly kissed his lips. "Let's make some new memories."

"Let me throw the food in the fridge and I'm all yours."

Ray woke up with a throbbing in his shoulder. He squeezed his eyes shut and rolled onto his other side, trying to ease the pain. He had dislocated his shoulder several months before while attempting to keep Fraser from falling off what he thought was a cliff. Turned out to be a drop of only ten feet. Nothing that would kill you, but Ray didn't know that at the time. He was eternally grateful for the Vicodin his doctor had prescribed. His shoulder had bothered him occasionally since the incident and he couldn't fathom the pain Ben had endured when he broke his arm in the accident a year ago. Ray shuddered at the thought of the metal rod that was now a permanent fixture in Fraser's upper arm. He had only seen him take his prescribed pain meds a few times and even then someone had to practically force them down his throat.

Ray groaned into his pillow, hoping not to wake up Fraser. He didn't tell Ben he had hurt himself when he was knocked to the floor and their nocturnal shenanigans later had left him with a few more aches than he cared to admit, even to himself. Ray suddenly felt old. He swept a hand across his eyes, dislodging the sleep, and opened them slowly. Ray allowed his eyes to adjust to the darkened room as he lay still in bed, rubbing at his shoulder. Even in the dark, he could see Fraser's side of the bed was empty.

Deciding he needed something for his shoulder, he flung his legs over the edge of the bed. The ache in his shoulder was more prominent now that he was moving and he let out a small groan. He made it to the bathroom without turning on any lights or tripping over anything for that matter. Rummaging through drawers and cupboards, he cursed when he couldn't find the bottle of Vicodin. Ray located the bottle of Tylenol and popped two into his mouth, swallowing them dry. He didn't like Fraser's tap water, even if it was just to swallow a couple of pills.

He made his way through the darkened apartment and found Fraser asleep on the couch. An icepack had slid down his injured shoulder and was resting in the crook of his arm. Fraser was hurt more than he was letting on and Ray couldn't help but feel it was his fault. First he had rammed Fraser's shoulder into the cabin door jamb, then Ben had fallen over his bag. He picked the icepack up and placed it back on Fraser's shoulder. A warm smile spread across his face. Ben meant the world to him. He pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and covered Fraser with it before heading back to bed himself.

When Ray woke up again, he was wrapped in Fraser's arms. When Ben had come back to bed, he wasn't sure. But with Ben's arms wrapped around him, he felt somewhat forgiven. He burrowed closer to the warm body next to him and let Fraser's strong heart beat lull him back to sleep.

Morning found Ray hovering over the coffee pot and Fraser busy in the bathroom getting ready for work. Ray was to leave in two days and Inspector Thatcher had Fraser booked solid at the Consulate, preparing to take over while she was on her own vacation. Ray was less than pleased. He wanted to spend the next two days working with his partner, but the Ice Queen out ranked him when it came to Fraser's schedule. He was sulking by the coffee pot when two red clad arms snuck around his waist.

"Good morning, Ray." Fraser nuzzled the crook of Ray's neck.

"I still don't understand why you can't spend part of the day with me." Ray sulked.

Fraser dropped a kiss to the back of Ray's neck and sighed. "Must we really go over this again? She's my boss, Ray. One of these days, you are going to have to accept that as fact and just get over it. May I have a cup of coffee please or are you guarding it for a particular reason?"

"Aren't we a little grouchy this morning?" Ray poured Fraser a cup and handed it over.

"Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?" Fraser countered. "I'm sorry. I admit to being slightly irritable. I didn't sleep well last night."

"Yeah, me either. Your shoulder bothering you?" Ray stirred some chocolate into his own coffee and waited for Ben to answer.

Fraser shook his head. "No, it is feeling much better this morning. Why couldn't you sleep?"

"Oh… well," Ray tugged on his ear and averted his eyes. "I uh… I dreamt of Turnbull and Thatcher doing the nasty."

"Ray!" Fraser exclaimed, almost spitting his coffee on Ray. He squeezed his eyes shut against the visual. "That's… that's," Fraser paused and searched his unlimited vocabulary. "Well, that's just…"

"All kinds of wrong, I know. I think I threw up in my mouth when I woke up." Ray made a gagging noise and shook his head against the memory. "You want some toast?"

"I would appreciate that, thank you. I can't seem to shake this headache."

Ray filled a glass of water and gave it to Ben. "Here, nature's own cure all."

Fraser smiled at his partner's gesture. "Thank you, Ray." He took two swallows and stared at his partner still fuming over Inspector Thatcher's decision to keep him busy all day. He pulled Ray into his arms and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

"Hmmm," Ray thought with a smirk. "Not since last night." He returned the kiss and then drew his head back a few inches. "She knows I'm leaving for a few weeks, right? So why not let me have you for the next two days?"

"Ray, it will be good that the Inspector is going to be gone. It will give me extra work to focus on and help keep me from going stir crazy with you being away."

"Don't tell me she did it as a way of looking out for you because I don't buy that for one minute."

"If you're hinting that she is trying to keep us separated, I won't deny that the thought crossed my mind. But we will have our evenings together and you should be focused on learning your assignment anyway. What did you tell me? Three weeks…"

"You won't even miss me…" Ray lied with a crooked smile as he stole another kiss.

"More than you will ever know." Fraser returned the kiss and motioned for the door. "We should get going, or we both will be late. Diefenbaker, are you coming along today or are you sulking as well?"

The wolf barked in response and went and hid under the bed.

"I guess that means he's staying. He doesn't like the Ice Queen either." Ray smirked. "Can't say that I blame him."

"She does take some getting used to." Fraser added with a tug of a smile.

The two men stepped out into the hallway and pulled the door closed behind them. Fraser paused as he smelled the air around him.

"What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost all of a sudden." Ray was busy locking the door and didn't notice anything out of the ordinary.

"I don't know. There's a smell that I can't place. I smelled it yesterday when I came home as well, but I can't figure out why it's bothering me."

Ray shrugged his shoulders. "You can smell that but not the stinky guy on the plane?"

Halfway down the stairs, Fraser took hold of Ray's elbow, pulling him to a stop. "You don't think Jimmy's been here do you?" He looked around anxiously. "He smoked cigarettes, that's the smell in the hallway, Ray."

"Ben, come on. Lots of people smoke those cigarettes. The guy two doors down from us with the strange girlfriend, he smokes them. I'm sure it's coming from his place. You're just paranoid now that we know he's out."

They descended the stairs and stepped out into the morning sunshine. Fraser squinted and rubbed his forehead.

"You know, Ben. Maybe you should go see a doctor. You've had a headache for the past three days. That's not normal for anyone, especially you."

"I'll be fine. I'm fairly certain it is all stress related." He placed his Stetson firmly on his head and opened the car door.

Ray rubbed his chin. "Really? Maybe a meeting with Dr. Orn then. With Jimmy's release, it's probably not a bad idea to talk with the counselor. You know you can talk to me too, right?"

"No, I just need to focus on work and I will be okay. And of course I know I can talk to you." Fraser gave his partner a reassuring smile. "I suppose one session wouldn't hurt. I'm sure Diefenbaker will be all ears later to listen to me if I need to talk while you are gone as well. Your leaving is having a profound effect on him as well. He's more irritable than I am."

"That's a good idea." Ray looked away and covered his eyes with his sunglasses. "You know, especially after last night. You want me to come with you? To a session with Dr. Orn? I can rearrange my afternoon, I'm sure Welsh will understand."

"No, it's okay. There's no need for you to change your schedule. Come on or we are going to be late."

"Oh yeah, wouldn't want the Ice Queen mad at me."

"As if that is something new, Ray?"

"Gotta be a smart ass." Ray grumbled as he slid into the driver's seat and fired up the engine.

For the next two days, things were tense between Ben and Ray, as Ray prepared for his undercover role and Ben tried to bury himself in work. At times, Ray felt as if they were two ships passing in the night. Whenever Ray was about to steal a free moment with Fraser, the Ice Queen engaged him in yet another pointless meeting. Ray often found himself left standing alone and frustrated in the entry way to the Consulate. Turnbull would offer him an apologetic smile and then a freshly baked scone. God, he hated the Ice Queen.

Finally, on the last night before Ray was to leave, the tension became too much. After a quiet dinner with few words exchanged between the couple, Ray broke the dam of silence that had been building between them.

"I'm sick of this," Ray uttered as he pushed his chair back and tossed his dinner plate in the sink. The clattering startled Fraser and Ray grinned smugly. Finally, something to draw his partner's attention away from paperwork. "We've hardly seen each other, meeting after fucking meeting. God, all I want to do is spend some time with you and…"

"I know how you feel, Ray." Fraser gave him a quick glance and returned his attention back to the stack of papers before him.

"You do? _Really?_ 'Cause you sure as hell ain't been showing it." Ray folded his arms and leaned heavily against the sink.

"I'm sorry. I've been finding myself somewhat consumed these past few days." Fraser pushed the lasagna around on his plate that Ma Vecchio had prepared for them while he flipped through the stack of papers. He continued on without looking at his partner. "Inspector Thatcher left me a mountain of paperwork that needs to be sorted through. You would think with the way she is constantly after Constable Turnbull and myself to complete our paperwork on time, she would be leading by better example."

"Well could you maybe _focus_ a little? I leave tomorrow morning, Ben. You think I really want to hear about Thatcher and her unfinished paperwork?" Ray stared at the side of his partner's face and threw his hands up in the air in frustration when he got no response. He walked past Fraser still seated at the table and with a swift motion of his left hand, cleared the second stack of papers stacked neatly beside the pile Fraser was sorting through. "I fucking hate the Ice Queen." Ray didn't bother looking over his shoulder as the papers fluttered to the floor and he stormed off towards their bedroom.

Fraser sat in stunned silence as he watched his partner's retreating form. He pushed his chair back and started the slow process of arranging the papers as he picked them up off the floor, muttering to himself.

"You ever stop to think that maybe_ I_ need some reassurances that things will be okay?" Ray yelled from the bedroom. "Instead you're in there fiddling with the Ice Queen's fucking paperwork. Something she should have finished herself." Ray pulled his bag out of the closet and began shoving clean jeans into the opening. "Bet your vacation forms are in that stack somewhere. Hey, here's a thought… you can approve your own fucking time off."

Fraser dropped his head and sighed. Regardless of how distracted he was feeling, this was not the way he wanted to spend his last evening with Ray. He placed the papers onto the table and made his way to the bedroom. He leaned against the door frame, shifted his weight to his other side and studied his partner throwing clothing in a bag. "I'm sorry, Ray. I apologize for being distracted. Although, there was no need to throw my papers on the floor." He rubbed a knuckle across his eyebrow and moved to tug at his ear.

Ray turned and shot daggers in Fraser's direction. "Yeah, except they're not _your_ papers, are they?"

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong. I can't seem to concentrate…"

"Well, _try_… dammit." Ray stuffed a few shirts into his bag and went to his dresser to retrieve some boxers, clearly frustrated.

"I _was_ trying. I find it soothing to do paperwork when I am… _distracted_." Fraser looked momentarily puzzled. He shook his head attempting to clear his thoughts. "And I'm feeling very distracted right now…"

"Well, what's it going to take to get your undivided attention? I need you tonight, Ben." Ray paused before he shoved another pair of socks into his bag.

"Perhaps we could close the windows. I'm finding the birds to be somewhat of a nuisance."

Ray snorted, breaking the mounting tension in the room. "You? Find the birds a nuisance? Fraser, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't know," he rubbed his temples with both hands and cracked his neck. "Everything's very loud right now. Do you think you could refrain from shouting at me? I seem to have yet another headache." Fraser stretched his shoulders and kneaded the back of his neck with his strong fingers. "Ever since we've been home, I've been out of sorts. And I apologize that I'm not handling things as well as I should be."

Ray dropped his half packed bag to the floor and sank to the bed. "Yeah, I haven't exactly been helpful cutting down on the stress level either, with dropping the undercover bombshell on you and then you hurt yourself tripping over my stupid bag and the letter about Jimmy. I'm sorry too, for not making it easier. It's just…" Ray paused, watching Fraser intently. "It's all too much, Ben. Jimmy… the Ice Queen leaving all her shit for you to finish. God, why can't we just have two moments of peace to be together."

Fraser worked his way slowly towards his partner. He sank beside Ray on their king sized bed and turned his body so they were facing one another. He captured Ray's face in the palms of his hands and leaned forward and kissed him slowly. Breaking for air, he leaned his forehead against Ray's and closed his eyes. "No one ever said life would be easy, Ray." He opened his eyes and met his partner's gaze. "But it is easier with you and much more eventful."

"Liar…" A tear escaped Ray's moistened eyes and Fraser brushed it away with his thumb.

"I never lie, Ray. Not about important things. And never about you." Fraser kissed him again and Ray melted in his embrace.

"Ben…" Ray's voice faded. "I'm scared."

"I know… I've got you, Ray. You are my sole focus tonight."


End file.
